I have found what matters, at least for the moment.
18. Musician. Writer. Photographer. Actor. Scholar. Human.
I believe in rights for ALL human beings.
Eradicate hatred.
“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
—John Green
Today was my last day of high school, and I couldn’t be happier.
I’m checked out of my classes. I received STRAIGHT As FOR THE FIRST TIME, MEANING I HAVE A 4.125 GPA FOR THE SEMESTER.
This, in turn, drags my GPA up to above a 3.8, meaning that I get $2,500 from my college.
I’m going to university in less than three months.
Oh my god.
Someone told me tonight at our awards ceremony that if I wasn’t involved in so much trouble, I would have gotten more than the five or so awards I earned. I could have gotten the Reagan Leadership award. I could have been the Principal’s Student Leader.
Instead of being asleep at 12:30, like I should be since I have school tomorrow, I am laying here unable to close my eyes because all of the thoughts swarming my mind have to do with you and what I can possibly do to fix the mess that life’s put us in.
It’s pathetic to want you back after all of this pain. But my life is empty without you in it.
What happened to us that brought us to a point where you can’t tell me what I did wrong?
I wish I didn’t miss your as wholly and painfully as I do.
I don’t know why I still follow you on there.
It just makes me sad every time.
So basically, I’m sick today. Prepare for a really long text post.
Sometimes, I feel like I might appear to be high and mighty in the eyes of other people. If that’s the case, I’m really, truly sorry for that, because I try very hard to not act that way. Sometimes it might slip through, but I’m working on it. I promise.
AHHHHHHHHHH
Welp. I’m glad I wrote it anyways. But we’re limited to 250 words for the anthology… Which is darn near impossible. Oops.
I don’t know how I will ever forget you and all the impacts you made on my heart and life.
All day I have been thinking about you and everything we had. Everything I wish we still had. Everything I would give my all to have again.
I just miss you so terribly, so uncontrollably. It pains me to merely wake because my first thought is the memory of my dreams; you haunt them every night.
If only life had worked for us. If only bigoted anger didn’t push so hard.
We’ve lost our chance for now. I understand. But someday, once we’ve forgotten all of this, our time can renew itself, giving us every chance in the world.
Missing someone you can’t have back is the worst feeling to go to sleep with.
I feel hopelessly helpless.
I always feel so guilty for doing absolutely nothing and I wish I knew why.
In other news, I’m sad again. But that’s nothing new. I’m still at five genuinely happy moments since the new year began.
I found the birthday card you gave me and had a breakdown.
May.7.13
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